


Kinda, Sorta, Maybe

by nsofties



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Love Confessions, M/M, but in typical mark fashion he becomes some form of waxing poetic, mark finally says the l-work and jaemin starts out with it funny, markmin is Good and we don't deserve them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2018-12-08
Packaged: 2019-09-14 12:35:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16912998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nsofties/pseuds/nsofties
Summary: (In Love With You.)Mark says the L-word.“It took me five tries, you know. To say this - to come to the realization that I love you.”





	Kinda, Sorta, Maybe

“This might sound crazy, but I’m kinda, sorta, maybe in love with you.” Jaemin feels his jaw drop as he stares at Mark. He knows that this isn’t the reaction that his boyfriend was expecting as the latter begins to sweat nervously, rubbing his hands on his jeans. “... Jaemin? Uh, I - ”

Holding up a hand silences Mark. Ever dramatic, Jaemin uses the same hand to close his mouth before clearing his throat. “Hold on. Let me just…” Digging his phone out from between the couch cushions, he records Mark’s face. “Okay. Say it again. One more time.”

“... Are you  _ recording _ this?”

“Everyone  _ always _ said it would be  _ me _ who said it first. But, Mr. Mark Lee is proving the world wrong!”

“It’s because I  _ do _ love you,” says Mark. He rolls his eyes, but his smile is easily perceptible as he shakes his head softly. “Why do you need proof of this? To show them?”

“No. I just want to remember this moment.”

Mark’s gaze is soft - he knows. He knows that Jaemin worries about the future, about permanence, about remembering. Ever since - and Mark pauses his thoughts, smiling at Jaemin, who immediately feels suspicious.

“Why are you grinning like that? Mark? I feel nervous -”

“Well, if you want to remember this moment, how about I tell you about all the moments that made me fall in love with you? I - oh my God. Are you crying? Jaemin -”

“I want to know. I really do.” He rubs at his eyes, his phone dropping into his lap. He only stops when Mark gently grabs his hands, pulling them away from his face. “I just - am I pressuring you? Is that why you’re saying this? Because I say it all the time? Because I’ll stop, I’ll -”

“You have never once pressured me to do  _ anything _ , Jaemin. I’m telling you that I love you, because I love you.” The sincerity in Mark’s voice  _ kills _ Jaemin. The look in his eyes - the  _ love _ in his eyes  _ kills _ him. Because he knows that Mark is being honest. But, he can’t help the nervousness and anxiety and guilt that pool in his stomach. “It took me five tries, you know. To say this - to come to the realization that I love you.”

Jaemin looks at him with wide eyes and he blinks away the tears that blur his vision. He wants to listen and see Mark. To really  _ see  _ him. Mark smiles, wiping away the last of Jaemin’s tears - for now - as he sits up straighter.

“Right. So. The first time was that time we celebrated your birthday together.”

Jaemin remembers that day vividly. That said, he isn’t sure if anything about that day was particularly… special. Pushing himself off the couch, he opens the photo album from that year, flipping through the pages until he finds the polaroids from that day. Mark points to a photo in particular - of Jaemin sitting in front of his birthday cake with the biggest smile. He looks at Mark in confusion.

“I thought to myself, ‘How did I get so lucky to spend another year with him?’ I’m still kind of surprised that you’ve kept me around this long.” Mark’s laugh is strong and warm and familiar and Jaemin listens to the sound with a smile on his face, looking down fondly at the photo. “But, I realized that day, that I wanted to spend every birthday with you - that I wanted to get to celebrate every milestone in our lives together.”

He blinks at Mark for a few moments, unsure of what to say. Mark, an English major, was always eloquent - well-spoken, impressive, and romantic even with the smallest gestures. But something about the simplicity of the language that he uses lets Jaemin hear his emotions clearer. “Sorry to say that you’re stuck with me for a long while longer.” Mark laughs, his eyes shining.

“The second time - this sounds  _ stupid _ , so bear with me… But, the second time was the first time you visited me at university. Seeing you stand there - I don’t know.” Jaemin raises an eyebrow in confusion, prompting Mark to continue. “Like… how do I explain it… like, oh, my person is waiting.”

“Your person?” asks Jaemin with a smile.

“That’s right. You’re my person. And, I mean, I don’t know… seeing you standing there, waiting for me at the university gates… it was like, ‘There’s really someone out there that would wait for me, huh?’”

“I would wait years for you if that’s what I needed to do,” replies Jaemin with a smile. Mark’s ears turn a bright red in response to his comment, resulting in him hiding his face behind his hands.

“Do these sound corny? The third was at the fair near my university. When we were standing in line for  _ fries _ of all things.”

“Fries?” blurts out Jaemin, in disbelief. “You mean the fries we ate after I almost passed out on that rollercoaster I was  _ sure _ was going to break?”

“Those very fries.”

“I vividly remember Renjun telling I looked like I had been trampled by elephants. You’re telling me you realized you  _ loved me _ when I looked like  _ that _ ?” Before Mark can affirm that, Jaemin picks back up his phone, tapping and scrolling for a terse minute before shoving the screen in Mark’s face. “You mean  _ here _ ? Mark, you  _ know _ I spent two weeks trying to convince Jeno to take down this photo of me.”

“And he said no because Renjun looks cute in it.”

“... You really had to choose that moment, huh?”

“You act like I’m purposefully picking these moments and like they don’t just happen.”

“This one seems targeted.” Mark fondly rolls his eyes at Jaemin’s petulance, deciding to continue and drop the discussion about Jaemin looking like he had just been in a bar fight.

“ _ Right _ . Anyways. The fourth time was when you invited me to your family reunion. I was totally  _ not _ ready, but I would do anything for you, you know.” Mark and Jaemin pause before the two of them laugh, immediately remembering the  _ mess _ that was the family reunion.

“I want you to know that when I got back home that night, my mom held my hands, and very seriously told me, ‘ _ You need to marry him, Jaemin. He just listened to your cousin talk about how English is a useless major. Without punching him. He’s a keeper. _ ’ Dad just sat on the couch and decompressed for a few hours.” Jaemin throws his head back dramatically, groaning. “They’re really too much sometimes. I  _ love _ them all, but man, can family be a lot.”

Mark laughs and Jaemin looks at him, raising an eyebrow. “Your mom thought I was violent?”

“ _ I mean _ , the first time you came over you  _ did _ show up with that black eye…”

“I  _ fell _ on  _ ice _ and punched myself in the face.”

“A black eye is a black eye,” says Jaemin. He smiles as he leans his head on his hand, looking fondly at Mark. “But, you know she doesn’t think that about you  _ now _ , so isn’t that the most important thing?”

“Should I continue? We can talk about your mom thinking I’m a delinquent later.”

Smiling fondly, Jaemin pats Mark’s cheek. “Sure thing.”

“Okay. And the final one… The fifth time was just now. Watching the joy on your face as we watched your favorite movie… I feel  _ comfortable _ with you, Jaemin. I don’t know how else to explain this. But, I feel  _ comfortable _ beside you. You’re my home. I love you. I feel safe with you.”

Jaemin reaches out for Mark’s hand and smiles as he looks down at their hands before looking back up. “I feel safe with you, too. I love you, Mark.”

**Author's Note:**

> not proof-read, not edited, a mess, lots of dialogue, short, rambling - i just wanted to write something soft as an apology for breaking jaemin's heart last time... i wanted to elaborate more but at the same time i liked keeping it short and kinda choppy because i think they'd both kinda be feeling a million things here.


End file.
